Tuesday, May 15, 2007

A National Obsession

Just occasionally the British find something that unites us. Princess Diana's death was one example. The story of Madeleine McCann's disappearance is another. I wonder why this particular case has got to us so much? Unashamedly I admit to being as obsessed with it as everyone else - I think it is partly to do with being a parent. The surrealism of arresting Mr Murat, essentially on the basis that a journalist found him 'spooky' overwhelms me. Surely having a glass eye and weirding out a Mirror journalist are not grounds for arresting someone?? I love the story of the villagers of Hockering standing up for Mr Murat, having consulted on the matter in the local pub.

The McCann's have bravely stated that they believe Madeleine is alive and being cared for. That is a statement of faith. In my experience, God never fails to honour a statement of faith such as that. I am ashamed to admit that I have feared the worst for this little girl, because if we believe that God loves us and hears our prayers then we cannot doubt that He is taking care of Madeleine wherever she is.

Someone once lectured me on the importance of praising God for everything, and especially for the bad things in life. It was brave of him to lecture me as I was outraged by the suggestion. And I am eternally grateful to that brave friend for setting me straight. What I have learnt is that if you praise God even for the events that really seem to have no upside, then God always brings good out of them. It is as though you were turning those events over to the power of the Kingdom, and then they become for the good. My friend gave me a long theological explanation for why this is so, but I'm afraid such things do not stay in my head. Enough to remember always to praise God even when you do not feel like it, and let Him work.

I think that is in a way what the McCann's are doing, and I admire them for it. But I just wish Madeleine would be returned to them.

I think this outpouring of emotion - stoked though it may be by media pragmatism - may be seen to reflect God's love for every one of us, His concern for every hair on our head. Madeleine's distinctive pupil reminded me of a tear for someone who has slipped through the cracks. Over the past fortnight we have witnessed an outburst of faith. It symbolises the human and ultimately divine desire for everyone to be loved enough. Madeleine has gone unnoticed, and deep within us we cannot bear that. By saying that she matters so much we want to express the truth, which is that everyone matters enormously.

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Wednesday, February 21, 2007

The fuss about Gina Ford

Above: Two great friends, one of whom is on a Gina Ford routine, the other not. And I defy you to guess which is which!


The Art of Abundance has had its first celebrity endorsement. Actually I loathe the concept of celebrity and I can't bear the obsession our society places on fame. Despite having interviewed a fair few celebrities from sailor Ellen MacArthur to comedienne Catherine Tate, I couldn't care less whether Beyonce does or does not have cellulite, and I never ever watch Big Brother. Still, it's always nice to be appreciated and I was delighted when Gina Ford, parenting guru extraordinaire, told me that she loves this blog!

If you're not familiar with Gina Ford then she is known as the Queen of Routines. She writes 'The Contented Baby' parenting books that sell millions of copies and tell parents in great detail what to do with their children. The thing is, the advice works. Parents who reach the end of their tether and need a decent nights' sleep rave about her when she solves their problems. Innumerable celebrities and high powered working mothers take her advice. She doesn't stop you bonding with your baby; she gives detailed advice on how to get your child onto a routine which works. The parenting world is an odd one, with endless experts writing books which seem to be more about telling you that they are the uber parent than how to best look after your child. Personally I like to take any advice with a large pinch of salt: I'm the mother, any guru is just an adviser.

Anyway, the other day Gina Ford rang me up. I tried to explain the surprise of this to a great friend, priest Father Paul Keane. In the end I found myself saying, 'It's kind of like if the Pope rang you up. 'Ah, now I understand,' he said nodding enthusiastically. This is akin to buying a pair of shoes at Jimmy Choo's and then Jimmy Choo ringing you up to see if they fitted properly. Not that I'm saying Gina Ford, Jimmy Choo and the Pope are in any way alike, but you get the idea of how surprised I was.

She turned out to be wonderfully down to earth and entertaining, with that true grit that comes with years of hard graft and child rearing. Gina Ford has a broad Northern accent and can tell you in seconds where any given childcare problem lies. She comes across as a genius for childcare and passionately committed to supporting parents and children. I'm deeply grateful to her and thanked her for the advice I had gleaned from her website when my son decided to stop sleeping for a month.

Contentedbaby.com is a website set up by Gina Ford to support the people who follow her routines. You have to pay £40 to join, and then you get access to expert advice and a community of mothers. What delighted me most about this website was the wonderful balance and commitment that I found in the community. By contrast with the infamous mumsnet.com, where Gina Ford was once rather bizarrely accused of sending babies on the rocket to the Lebanon, the mothers on ContentedBaby were polite and supportive. These are people who care deeply about every aspect of their children's well-being and want to have contented children. Contrary to popular belief, these are not people who are leaving their babies to cry. Every now and then Gina rings up mothers who post on her website saying that they have left their babies to cry and tells them not to!

Ford also has a terrific sense of humour. She declaimed the extraordinary amount of flak that she gets for her routines but told me she was mainly concerned at the moment with the finding of a toy boy to elope to the Bahamas with. And good luck to her.

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Monday, February 19, 2007

calm Sunday




Abstaining is not my strong point. I have healthy appetites. I try to avoid puritanism. But I'm realising that fasting is not about abstaining, it's about making room in my life for the best things in life.

Yesterday was Sunday and I did my machinery fast again. At sundown it's absolute bliss to turn off the computer, the modem, the router, the Telewest box, the washing machine, the oven... Not a single humming machine in earshot. (Persuading my au pair to go without internet access for 24 hours was tricky. I managed to get her to turn the modem off by 10am on Sunday - good thing too as the World Health Organisation knows that low levels of electromagnetic energy are OK, but no one has actually done the research in to what high levels of electromagnetic energy do to the body, and I suspect that it will be as with mobile phones. Personally I make very sure my modem and wireless router are switched off every night, though there's not much I can do about the five wireless networks from neighbouring flats that my computer informs me are circulating my apartment.)

After last week's emergency sheet washing marathon (sick toddler - don't ask), this week was better: I spent the day alone quietly resting and trying to tune in to myself and to God. I went to mass, had a little lunch that I'd prepared the night before and popped in for a chat with a neighbour. It slightly foundered towards the end of the afternoon when I set the dishwasher off and went for a walk via a clothing shop, but on the whole it was pretty restful both for me and my gadgets. Today I feel full of enthusiasm and verve and I can't wait to get on with the day.

Taking a rest is the beautiful key to renewal. If we gave the earth a rest it might have time to renew itself. I do wish I could persuade my neighbours of the value of Keeping Sunday Special though. It was so frustrating to walk down to my local high street and see all the cars tearing about. The noise levels were high, the shops were all open. There were still fewer people on the streets than normal, but other than that it was just like a wan version of any other day. We need to learn to rest.

Tomorrow is Shrove Tuesday, Mardi Gras, Pancake Day. After that comes Ash Wednesday, and then Lent. It's belt tightening time, when for 40 days Christians give up luxuries and give the money they have saved to the poor. This is the time to seek God within and to defeat the self indulgence instinct. A great meditation tool online is http://www.sacredspace.ie St Ethelburga's are doing a four part Lenten Journey of Reconciliation

Lots of people give up chocolate, but you might give up driving the car, or even clothes shopping. You might give up throwing food out: Try the Cooking by Numbers site to use up what's in the fridge. Given the news this morning that it may be too late to stop the ice caps melting and millions drowning, let's give up polluting the atmosphere for Lent? The Irish bishops are telling their flocks to give up alcohol. The idea is to 'be filled with the Holy Spirit' instead, but I regret to say that of late my sense of being overflowing with the grace of God has been lacking. Hopefully Lent will remedy that.

The money saved could go to The Cardinal Hume Centre and Actionaid. Two excellent charities. The former looks after the homeless of south London and helps them find their way in life, the latter is probably the best of the overseas aid charities. I also greatly admire EIA I don't pay heed to the endless charity begging letters that come through my door. They all, without fail, go in the bin, because I think you can go a little crazy if you start considering each one on it's merits. Nor do I give out money on the street. Street collections are for lazy people who never bother to give to charity and have to be cajoled into it. I think one should put 5% of one's income into direct debits to support two or so chosen charities, and Gift Aid it.

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Saturday, January 06, 2007

winter sun

There are two ways to cope with January blues: The first is to book a holiday to South Africa and soak up some lovely sunny rays. I did this when I was pregnant with my son and it worked a treat. A bumpy ride

This year I'm rather uncomfortable with the idea. Partly because of the threat of impending global warming floods, partly an allergic reaction to the drear of airport travelling, but ultimately a sense that there is something too extreme about being plunged into summer when your body seriously believes it should be slowing down for long winter nights, I just think it wouldn't be right to book a winter sun holiday.

But how to get through the dreariness of January?

Well, firstly study ">Roast Figs and Sugar Snow by Diana Henry. It is a culinary celebration of all things cold and wintry and I defy you to want a January summer after reading it. If the dark days are getting you down you could also get one of the lumie lamp range These clever lamps wake you up with a bright light that slowly comes on in the morning to simulate the sunrise. At night it slowly fades when you switch the alarm on which is a very cosy way to go to sleep. Even more effective are their desktop lamps. This year I'm going to enjoy the cold slow stillness of January and spend the time dreaming of my long summer holiday on an organic farm in Tuscany, and if none of that works I shall learn to tango.

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Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Happy St Nicholas Day!



How fitting that Gordon Brown is announcing a cash injection for schools today. A much better present than sweets!

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Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Communicating with the unborn child

First written for Junior Pregnancy and Baby Magazine, this is a description of an extraordinary French pregnancy treatment called haptonomy that helps parents communicate with their unborn children. I know that sounds a little unlikely, but don't dismiss it out of hand. In France it is a well established, mainstream pregnancy treatment. It is pretty significant: If we really can communicate with babies in the womb, then that changes the way we view pregnancy. The clipping is a little hard to read, so I've transcribed it below.


Bonding the French Way

Haptonomy may sound like a nebulous way of getting in touch with your unborn child, but in France it's subsidised by the state.

By happy coincidence, I became pregnant at the same time as a friend who lives in Paris. As we compared notes by email, I began to feel that in some respects I had a lesser deal. Marianne was off every other day to baby singing classes, aqua-natal and something called haptonomy, which was involved communicating with the baby and was subsidised by the state health service. 'It's wonderful!' she raved, 'The midwife showed me how the baby can tell the difference between my hand and hers, and its so sweet to see him swim and nestle in my hand.' Marianne also described how she was learning to go through labour with her baby, rather than just focusing on herself.

Fascinated and envious, I decided to go to Paris to experience haptonomy first hand. I made an appointment with a haptonomist called Corinne. She warned me that, coming only once, I would not expeirence haptonomy, "only glimpse what it is". I was also, at 32 weeks, coming too late on in the pregnancy. 'Normally we start as early as five months,' And worse, I was not bringing my husband - haptonomy enables the father to take his place in the family. 'Haptonomy is about getting in touch with your unborn child. It is a tactile and emotional meeting.'

I worried that I'd come to Paris for some strange hippy treatment.

I worried that I'd come to Paris for some strange hippy treatment. But when I arrived in Corinne's smart private clinic, it became clear that she was a professional woman with great clarity. And, as an obstetrician, she had undergone a rigorous medical training.
'Haptonomy is the science of affectivity,' she said, 'the science of emotions.' It's about 'le rencontre' - 'the meeting' - an interaction with another. Haptonomists believe that for a person to become whole they must benefit from such interaction even while in the womb.

As I lay on her couch, Corinne helped me to feel where the baby was lying. We put our hands where we sensed the baby's head to be, and she rocked me gently to help me to relax.
As she did so, I opened up and explained my circumstances. Shortly after I'd become pregnant my partner left, and although we were friends he was so determinedly hands off that he had never even felt the baby kick. As I related all this, close to tears, Corinne said the baby was tensing up. It was true: I could feel it. It shocked me to realise how much he was affect by my state of mind. Corinne invited me to explain to the baby that although I felt anguish at the situation, I loved him and that it was in no way his fault. Perhaps this is my imagination, but I do feel that the baby was happier after that. It seemed to reassure him.

Corinne taught me that the relationship between mother and child is so intimate that I did not have to say anything aloud. 'Now say tp the baby in your heart, "viens dans mon coeur, mon cheri" ("come into my heart") she suggested. I did: and the baby moved right up until he was touching my diaphragm. He seemed to be urgently seeking my affection. It was an incredibly beautiful moment.
"the baby moved right up until he was touching my diaphragm. He seemed to be urgently seeking my affection. It was an incredibly beautiful moment."
Corinne then taught me to guide the baby so that he was cradled comfortably in my pelvis, and she gave me some techniques for reducing pain during labour. Finally, she showed me ways of holding myself and moving that allowed the baby enough space, and of guiding the baby with my hands during labour so as to make his passage easier.

The experience convinced me that haptonomy really works. It brought home to me the fact that I don't just have a "bump" but a living, feeling person inside me who needs my affection now. It was the first time I realised what a heavy sense of responsibility goes with being a parent.

I asked Corinne for ways to communicate haptonomy to others, especially my baby's father. "You can't explain it," she replied, "but tell him to approach the baby with all the love in his heart. Men, especially English men," she said with a smile, "can be very slow to show their emotions - which shows how our experiences are imprinted upon us.
"Men, especially English men," she said with a smile, "can be very slow to show their emotions - which shows how our experiences are imprinted upon us."
In a way, haptonomy is simple emotional intelligence, and I thought it would be easy enough to emulate at home. But it is surprisingly difficult. Corinne had a remarkable talent for enabling me to express love and make contact with my unborn child. She summed up haptonomy: "It is about waking up to all that is at stake in a child's heart, and the reality of what it is to be a parent."

What is Haptonomy?

Haptonomy is also known as the science of affectivity, and centres around human emotional (affective) relations and interaction. The word come from the Greek 'hapsis' - meaning tactile contact, sense, feeling - and 'nomos' - law, rule, the norm. Only health professionals can train as haptonomists. It is used with pregnant and postnatal women, disabled people and in psychotherapy.
The theory was founded by Frans Valdman, a Dutch researcher of life sciences, and is taught at the Centre International de Recherche et de Developpement de l'Haptonomie (CIRDH) in Oms, France. Valdman developed the theory while interned in a concentraion camp, where he realised the importance of the affective in human relations and healing. Today there are haptonomy classes in France, Germany, Holland and Spain, but as yet there are no courses in the US or UK. For further information, contact CIRDH; visit www.haptonomy.org or write to CIRDH, Mas del Ore, 66400 Oms, France. Tel: 00 33 (0)4 08 39 4223 email cirdh@haptonomy.org

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Sunday, November 05, 2006

a little Narnian?


My son, Leo, at 10 days old in a field of bluebells. First published in Junior Pregnancy and Baby Magazine.

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Thursday, November 02, 2006

Trying to get into Narnia

Since I was a child I have wanted to get into the magical land of Narnia. I can remember praying to God that he would allow me to get into Narnia. I climbed into my wardrobe - a built in one full of pink satin party dresses - and banged on the back. Nothing. Only the thud of plyboard. It was only later, when my faith in God had matured that I felt that in some metaphysical way I had in fact 'got into Narnia'.

So, imagine my excitement when I realised that CS Lewis had been inspired by my birthplace of Northern Ireland when he wrote Narnia! Here is what I wrote for The Observer last Christmas:

Northern Ireland

If You Didn't Find Narnia in Your Own Wardrobe...

... you might just find it in Northern Ireland, the birthplace of CS Lewis and beloved inspiration for the author's fictional land. In the week the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe is released, Fiona Campbell goes searching for Aslan

this article first appeared on Sunday December 4, 2005
The Observer






Fantasy land... in the snow-capped landscape of the Mourne Mountains, CS Lewis felt 'that at any moment a giant might raise his head over the next ridge'. [photo courtesy of Northern Ireland Tourist Office]


When Disney scoured the world looking for a location to play Narnia's mythical landscape, they chose New Zealand's fantastical soaring mountains and sun-scorched grassy plains. As Ronald Bresland has shown in his book, "The Backward Glance," it would have pleased CS Lewis, Narnia's creator, but it wouldn't have resonated with his love of 'Northernness'. For Lewis the portal into Narnia was far closer to home - Ulster.

'I have seen landscapes, notably in the Mourne Mountains and southwards which under a particular light made me feel that at any moment a giant might raise his head over the next ridge,' he wrote in his essay On Stories. While living in England he spoke of the magic of Northern Ireland: 'I yearn to see County Down in the snow, one almost expects to see a march of dwarfs dashing past. How I long to break into a world where such things were true.'

And in a letter to his brother, he confided explicitly: 'That part of Rostrevor which overlooks Carlingford Lough is my idea of Narnia.'
While he loved the countryside, in a letter to his best friend Arthur Greeves, Lewis confessed that he was less fond of the people. 'The country is very beautiful and if only I could deport the Ulstermen and fill their land with a populace of my own choosing, I should ask for no better place to live in.' This, argue some experts, is what he did when creating Narnia.

Clive Staples Lewis grew up in Ulster, honeymooned there and continued to return throughout his life, and yet you will find no mention of the bestselling author in most guidebooks to Ireland. Only now, with the release of the Disney film, the area is waking up to this major aspect of its heritage.

The Northern Ireland Tourist Board has produced a lustrous, full-colour booklet detailing Lewis's local links. Harper Taxi Tours, which usually takes tourists round the Shankill and Falls Roads to see the murals and sites of Belfast's political history, has branched out into a more magical subject area and created a CS Lewis tour. Queen's University is dedicating a reading room, and there is even a CS Lewis Festival that started on Friday and runs until 11 December. It is all thanks to lottery and EU funding of 'Celebrate Belfast', aimed at shaking off the city's troubled image and revitalising its tourism.

I have been obsessed with the Narnia books since reading them and, like many children, trying to reach Narnia by climbing into my wardrobe. Perhaps it appealed all the more because I too grew up in Ulster, and I too left (me aged seven, CS Lewis aged 10). I have happy childhood memories of playing with my brother in the barley fields during holidays in Northern Ireland, and perhaps Narnia appealed because it reminded me of all the best parts of Ulster that I knew and missed. So I set off to revisit my old haunts to see if they would remind me of Narnia.

On our first day in Ulster, tour guide Ken Harper loaded my eccentric family into his (burgundy) Black Taxi. There was my two-year-old son Leo, beaming in his buggy, along with Olga, his Russian nanny, and Roslyn, my grown-up Irish cousin.

First stop was St Mark's, Holywood Road, Belfast, the church Lewis attended. 'You can see the door knob with a lion on it on the rectory where Lewis's grandfather lived,' said Ken enthusiastically.

We were sceptical about how worthwhile a journey to see a doorknob would be, but there was something surprisingly mystical about that lion. Jack, as CS Lewis liked to be called, would have looked up to the doorknob just as Leo was doing now, and seen this majestic lion transporting him to corridors of magic.

In fact my family and the Lewises came from the same social circle. Perhaps that's why Little Lea, Lewis's childhood home, seemed familiar; it was almost exactly like my grandmother's house. It had the same sense of abundance - solid door frames of ample size, generous, mysterious wardrobes, spacious rooms; nothing skimped. In Northern Ireland there is an unspoken understanding that things are done to the full. This is very much what the 'happy land of Narnia' is about - it is a land of butter and cream, of plenty, made even more poignant because it was written during postwar hardship, when even potatoes (to Lewis's consternation) were rationed.

Little Lea is now privately owned and the new owners prefer not to have tourists visiting, so Ken gave us the house's history from the gates. I tiptoed up to the front door of the house, in whose 'Little End Room' Lewis spent hours of his childhood inventing stories about other worlds and talking to animals and looking out across Co Down to the Mourne Mountains beyond. It is a mysteriously complex piece of Victorian architecture with rambling outhouses and a pleasant garden. Beyond would have been rolling countryside. This is where Jack spent the happiest years of his childhood before his mother died in 1908 when he was nine. The Chronicles of Narnia may have been his attempt to evoke that lost sense of childhood happiness.

Ken drove us through the housing estates of East Belfast, where a CS Lewis mural rises like a beacon of goodness amid the menacing slogans of conflict. Protestant CS Lewis had virtually no interest in politics. 'I believe that ... those who are at the heart of each division [of religion] are all closer to one another than to those who are at the fringes,' he wrote to one Catholic correspondent.

When we climbed the Holywood hills and saw the vivid green fields and glinting sea I began to feel that this really was the brink of Narnia. Lewis would have walked these hills and looked out across Belfast, 'ringing with the sound of the hammers that built the Titanic', to the countryside lapping into the distance. And beyond, the portentous and dominating Mourne Mountains.

Lewis was longing for, as his brother puts it, 'the lost simplicity of country pleasures, the empty sky, the unspoilt hills, the white silent roads on which you could hear the rattle of a farm cart half a mile away'. To get a sense of that world, head for the extraordinary, if melancholy, Ulster Folk and Transport Museum. This 175-acre site, in the Holywood hills where Lewis grew up, is a town and surrounding rural area frozen exactly as it would have been in 1901.

The northern coast of Antrim was much loved by Lewis. Ronald Bresland, author of The Backward Glance: CS Lewis and Ireland, argues that 'among the romantic ruins of Dunluce Castle and the windswept beaches of the Causeway Coast, we can detect something of the origins of Cair Paravel [Narnia's fairytale castle].'

In The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, Lewis describes the castle 'towering up above them; before them were the sands, with rocks and little pools of salt water, and seaweed, and the smell of the sea, and long lines of bluish green waves breaking forever and ever on the beach. And oh, the cry of the sea-gulls!' For the real Narnia as Lewis intended it, 'Narnia of the heathery mountains and the thymy downs, Narnia of the many rivers, the plashing glens, the mossy caverns and the deep forests' (The Horse and His Boy), you need to see Down. 'The green hills ... The soft low hills of Down,' as Lewis wrote in a poem.

On your way stop at Rowallane Gardens. They have a quiet, almost forgotten feeling a little like the garden beyond the hills in The Magician's Nephew. Enter by the Golden Gates (OK, wrought iron, but still...) and enjoy roaming among the profuse flowers.

Then head to Rostrevor, or stay at The Old Inn in Crawfordsburn where CS Lewis and Joy Gresham enjoyed an 'almost perfect' belated honeymoon. At night settle down by the fire and read the Irish myths Lewis's nurse, Lizzie Endicott, delighted her young charge with, or have spirited debates about whether myth is truth, or the existence of God, as Lewis loved to do.
By day you can enjoy Tollymore Forest Park and visit the Mourne Heritage Trust in Newcastle who will guide you on walks through the Mournes and Silent Valley.

Despite a shocking amount of recent development in the form of boxy uPVC-windowed houses, Northern Ireland is a great destination for a family holiday. Leo exulted in the child-friendly attractions, including the world-class W5 Museum, with more than 140 interactive exhibits. The renowned warmth of the Northern Irish welcome doubles when you have young children in tow, and Leo left thinking he was royalty.
For many, the area's appeal as a family tourist destination has been long overshadowed by the conflict, but as you look out over Co Down from the Mournes, you may feel Ulster coming back to life, like a stone giant breathed on by Aslan.

Factfile
'Northern Ireland and CS Lewis', a booklet giving details of the places that inspired the author, and how to get there, is available from the Northern Ireland Tourist Board (028 9023 1221; www.discovernorthernireland.com). Details of Ken Harper's CS Lewis Black Taxi Tour are at www.harpertaxitours.co.nr or call 028 9074 2711.
Double rooms at the Malone Lodge Hotel (028 9038 8000; www.www.malonelodgehotel.com in Belfast start from £89, bed and breakfast.
In County Down, try the Kilmorey Arms Hotel in Kilkeel (028 4176 2220; www.kilmoreyarmshotel.co.uk or The Old Inn, Crawfordsburn (028 9185 3255; www.theoldinn.com where CS Lewis spent his honeymoon with Joy Gresham.
Easyjet (0905 821 0905; www.easyjet.com). flies from eight English and Scottish cities to Belfast from £26 return.




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